"Lord, I'm Not Okay, But I'm Still Here"

The title of this Blog Post may have caused you to do a double-take, as this is not something you probably were expecting to read.  Actually, this is the title of a song that we came across on YouTube recently and it really captured my (Jerry’s) heart and emotions.  Let me try to explain why I think this was so powerful for me . . . and may possibly be for some of you.  (Song link at the bottom of this post.)

Disappointments and Losses

Over the course of our lives, we all face a variety of disappointments and losses.  Some of these are less significant but others can be very significant.  Some examples might include the loss of loved one, the loss of a marriage through divorce, the loss of your health, or the loss of purpose after retirement, to name just a few.  As former counselors, we helped many people process the disappointments and losses they experienced from childhood wounds and its impact on their adult lives.  One significant disappointment and loss for us has been the inability to have children.  As many of you know—through us sharing directly or by reading in our books—after seventeen years of marriage infertility, we conceived a child, which seemed miraculous to us.  Unfortunately, we lost this child to miscarriage after 12 weeks and were unable to conceive again.  As of this writing, we have been married over 52 years.

The Challenge of Changing Seasons of Life

Change—even what might be considered positive change—can be challenging.  For example, reaching the point of retirement—which on one level is positive—can provide a challenge because you no longer are doing what you have done for many years.  It can take some time to adjust to this new season in life, and for some—including myself (Jerry)—I have found that adjustment difficult.  It’s not that I believe that I am to continue counseling others, but this new season in life has been challenging to navigate.  When you combine that with some health challenges that we have experienced over the past couple of years, this change becomes even more difficult.

Finding God in our Disappointments and Losses

So how does all of this affect our relationship with God?  For many of us, we know that our only true source of peace is rooted in the fact that no matter what, God has us.  Through the work of His Son, Jesus, we are secure, now and forever.  So how does that work in the midst of disappointment and loss?  For one thing, we lay everything before Him—our sadness, our confusion, our fears and anxiety—and invite Him into those places.  But what if that isn’t very easy to do?  What if you learned to just “keep on going,” doing the best that you can—even as you continue to talk and pray to the Lord.  What often happens is that these things start to “stockpile,” and at some point, these emotional issues start to “leak out.”  And this can occur in a variety of ways.

A Recent Experience of “Leaking”

As mentioned in the opening paragraph, we recently came across a song entitled, “Lord, I’m Not Okay, But I’m Still Here.”  There are a couple different versions of this song, but the one we were listening to was actually being sung by Josh Groban and was produced through the use of Artificial Intelligence (A.I.).  As I (Jerry) started to listen to this song, I could feel something occurring in my heart and the tears started to flow.  It actually surprised me, but at the same time I sensed that the Holy Spirit was creating this moment of release for me.  Jesus knew what was going on in my heart and just happened to intervene at that moment.  Interestingly, after this occurred, I had three other times where I sensed that the Lord was confirming that this release was from Him.  He wanted me to be very honest with Him about what was going on in my heart and this song title and subsequent verses brought that out . . . even if I wasn’t fully in touch with it at the time.

Are You Okay?

Some of you reading this (if you’ve read this far) may not relate to what I’ve shared.  You’re in a different place or a different season.  That’s okay!  However, I felt that the Lord wanted me to share this writing and my experience because there are some of you who need to know that the Father knows the deep things in your heart and He also knows that you may not have much to give to Him at this time.  Yet, He is blessed by the fact that “you are still here” (with Him) and He isn’t asking you to try and give Him anything . . . He wants to give to you because He loves you deeply and He understands!

The Song

Here is a link to the song on YouTube.  Though the words are included during the music video, if you would like a copy of the lyrics, you can find that HERE.

Blessings,

Jerry and Denise Basel

www.jerryanddenisebasel.com

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