"First Impressions—Don't Rush to Judgment"
When you read the title of one of our books, what is your first thought?
The Missing Commandment: Love Yourself
How Loving Yourself the Way God Does Can Bring Healing and Freedom to Your Life
Perhaps you think:
“Interesting! That sounds like something I could benefit from.”
Or perhaps your reaction is quite different:
“Isn't our problem that we already love ourselves too much?”
“Is this even biblical?”
Those are understandable questions. After all, Scripture calls us to love God, serve others, and put others before ourselves. So how can loving ourselves possibly fit into that picture?
Here's what we discovered through our own journeys and years of counseling: Most people—including many Christians—struggle to truly love themselves.
We aren't talking about selfishness, arrogance, or thinking we're better than others. We're talking about learning to see ourselves as God sees us and agreeing with His love for us.
Here's something that may surprise you: Both self-neglect and self-centeredness can grow out of a wounded heart.
Some people spend their lives trying to please others, earn approval, avoid conflict, or prove they are good enough. They give and serve, but underneath their seemingly selfless behavior may be a deep longing to feel loved, accepted, and secure.
Others may appear egotistical, controlling, or overly focused on themselves. But beneath that behavior may be insecurity, shame, rejection, or an unmet need for love. Their outward self-focus isn't the same as a healthy, God-centered love for themselves.
In both cases, the heart may be trying to get something it desperately needs.
So, is learning to love yourself selfish?
We believe the answer is no. In fact, learning to love yourself as God loves you can help you love others more freely and genuinely.
Jesus said we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31). We readily embrace the call to love God and others, but what happens when we struggle to extend that same love to ourselves?
What if we are harder on ourselves than God is? What if we continually condemn ourselves for our mistakes, struggle to believe we are truly loved, or feel we must earn God's approval?
A Personal Story: Learning to Love Yourself
What does it look like when we begin to understand the difference between unhealthy self-focus and learning to love ourselves as God does?
In this short excerpt from our video series, Kara shares her personal experience with this very issue. Her testimony offers a glimpse into why this message can be so important to our journey toward healing and freedom.
God isn't asking us to become more self-absorbed. He invites us to discover who He created us to be and to receive the love He already has for us.
As our hearts heal, we can become less driven by fear, shame, and the need for approval—and more able to love others without needing something in return.
Perhaps the real question isn't, “Do I love myself too much?” but “Have I learned to love myself the way God does?”
We invite you to reconsider your first impression. This may be a missing piece in your own journey toward greater freedom, wholeness, and the ability to love God and others more fully.
Want to Go Deeper?
If this message has challenged your thinking about what it means to love yourself, we invite you to explore Chapter 2 of our book, The Missing Commandment: Love Yourself. In “But Wouldn't That Be Selfish?” we look more deeply at why learning to love ourselves as God loves us isn't selfish—and how unresolved wounds and unmet needs can affect the way we relate to ourselves, God, and others. You can read the entire chapter HERE.
Jerry and Denise Basel are the authors of The Missing Commandment: Love Yourself. We invite you to explore the book and discover more about the Father's heart for you.
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